The Seven Most Common Reasons We Sabotage Our Success
Written by Sean Smith | Monday, 10 January 2011 00:00
Virtually everyone sabotages their success to some degree. If you really want to get to the bottom of the issue, you have to understand how and why the sabotaging habits are created in the first place. Then you can remove the cause, instead of doing what most people do their whole lives, which is chasing and trying to get rid of the symptoms.
All sabotage is self-created by the unconscious mind trying to keep us safe and comfortable.
I know it doesn’t make much sense to think that our sabotaging habits were created for our own good, but it’s true. The unconscious mind has one primary function that reigns supreme over all others – protecting and maintaining our physical and emotional safety, which includes being comfortable.
Therefore, if something external is perceived as a threat to our comfort or safety, our unconscious mind will step in to avoid the threat. It’s like our internal defense system, and it’s always on guard!
That’s where sabotage is created. We develop habits – procrastination, perfectionism, disorganization, time management problems, etc – to keep us in our comfort zone, away from the potential harm.
But understand that’s GREAT NEWS. Why? Because if you created your sabotage, then you, and only you, can un-create it! As long as you understand why you did it.
Through my own personal journey, as well as my work with thousands of coaching clients and seminar attendees over the last several years, I’ve noticed that most sabotage is created because of the following 7 reasons.
This isn’t an exhaustive list by any means – there’s an unlimited number, but these are the most common I’ve encountered.
Scared of the Spotlight
When you achieve success, there is often a spotlight that shines directly on you. This spotlight not only brightens your achievements, it can also shed light on any of your self-perceived limitations.
If you are unhappy with your physical appearance on any level, for example, being in the spotlight will probably intensify that displeasure. Why would you want to bring to light something that you are unhappy with, so others can ridicule you just like you constantly do to yourself?
Being in the spotlight also means you have greater visibility – and potential vulnerability. When you are in the spotlight, you will be talked about – both positively and negatively. You may shy away from the spotlight to avoid the increased potential for people to talk bad about you.
Greater Responsibility
This is one of the “Catch-22” factors of success. When you achieve your goals, you’ll likely have more responsibility – whether that’s more people wanting you to mentor them, managing a bigger team, or possibly having more money that requires you to take more time to manage it. If you already feel you have enough or too much responsibility now, why would you want any more?
Another factor that often goes along with greater success is the increased pressure to stay on top. This is all a perception, and generally just pressure we put on ourselves – consciously or not. So the unconscious mind will generally do whatever it can to avoid that pressure and stay where we are… comfortable.
More time away from family
Many people want to succeed so they can enjoy the freedom to spend more time with their family. However, if the path to success means spending more time away from family – working longer hours, taking more work home, increased traveling, etc – you’ll have a values conflict.
Regardless of what goals you consciously want to achieve, your unconscious mind will never allow you to succeed if it means sacrificing time with your family, assuming that family time is one of your higher values. Now, some people might want to succeed so they can GET AWAY from their families, but that’s a topic for a different article… =)
Greater chance of failing
Many of us don’t have internal permission to even try to succeed, which is usually caused by the all-too-common fear of failure. The limiting belief here is that if you don’t risk, you can’t fail. The reality, however, is if you don’t risk, you’ll never succeed because you won’t move beyond your current comfort zone.
If you’re afraid to fail or have any notion that it’s not okay to make mistakes, then your unconscious mind will do everything in its power to keep you right where you are – comfortable mediocrity. As crazy as it may sound, at the unconscious level, comfort is a higher priority than happiness!
Going to lose something you enjoy
You might be sabotaging yourself if you already enjoy everything you’re experiencing, and there’s a fear that you’d lose something you currently have if you were to increase your level of success. This stems from one of our most powerful fears – the fear of loss.
This is not an abundance mentality – it’s actually very restrictive to believe that for every new thing that comes into your life, something else must go. Sometimes it certainly is the case, but not always. Don’t let the either-or thinking hold you hostage. Ask “How can I have both?” and let your mind find a way.
Fear of connection
We all have abandonment issues to some degree, more than likely stemming from the earliest stages of our lives when we were literally dependent upon others to satisfy our basic survival needs. All it takes is one time for infants to cry and not get the attention they want to create the fear of abandonment.
And, if you’ve experienced any other form of emotional trauma – such as divorce, death of a loved one, abuse, etc – the abandonment issue is intensified. Either way, the unconscious mind believes the best way to avoid being abandoned by other people is to not allow yourself to get close to anyone. As long as you don’t connect emotionally, you’re safe.
In reality, however, physical and emotional connection is one of the most intense human desires. So keeping yourself “safe” by not connecting with people usually creates a bigger problem internally than the abandonment, if it were to happen.
Fear of judgment
This is a biggie because it applies to so many scenarios – talking to people you don’t know, asking someone out on a date, speaking in public, networking, asking or answering questions, sales, recruiting, following up with clients, committing to your goals – the list is literally endless.
There aren’t very many opportunities to succeed that don’t involve the possibility of someone else’s judgment. So if you’re unconsciously committed to avoid being judged, you’ll forever be stuck.
The good news is that other people’s judgments can only affect you if they match your own self-judgments. So when you clear up your feelings about yourself, nobody else’s opinions have the power to control you.
How can I get rid of these conflicts?
No matter what the reason is that’s causing the sabotage, the way around it is to prove to yourself that you can achieve success without the pain or sacrifice. Your unconscious mind does want you to succeed and to be happy, just not at the expense of your comfort and safety. So as soon as you remove that risk, you’ll have instant permission to succeed.
Removing that risk might involve releasing a limiting belief, letting go of emotional trauma from your past, erasing a fear, or just simply doing the thing you’ve been resisting and noticing that the “bad” result didn’t happen.
Regardless of what it entails, it’s doable. And more importantly – even if it takes a significant investment of your time, energy and money – do the work. You are worth it!
Danette Allen Fitness www.danetteallenfitness.com Body Heart Mind Soul Health & Fitness Retreats, Exercise Workouts, Nutrition, Visualization & More
